Last week I started writing a freelance article for the Idaho Business Review. While it's fun to get back in the journalism game, I'm finding that it's an adjustment for Clara and my relationship and routine.
During the day, I periodically have to take phone calls and write up e-mails to get my reporting done for my story. Clara doesn't understand when I explain that, "Mama's working right now. I will be done with this phone call in a few minutes."
What is this thing you call work? she seems to say. You know, you don't have to do this. You can put the phone down and read me a story. Hey, do you want to color with me?
"Honey, Mama is writing. Go play. Go play with your kitchenette....I can't have you on my lap right now because I'm typing on my laptop....Okay, you can sit next to me here in the crook of my arm but don't...Yeah, don't touch that."
I think I need some sort of big timer that she can see, and that I can set for ten-minute increments. That way, I can say, "Mama will work for ten minutes more and then we can go outside." And I can set the timer and she can watch it.
I feel horribly guilty about the way I have to tune Clara out when I take phone calls or when I'm trying to write (tune her out, but also somehow keep an eye on her at the same time). A friend in a similar situation encouraged me that it might be a healthy thing, for her to have time to be an "individual" for a few minutes.
Mother guilt. It's the worst.
But there's levity in every situation, I guess. I was replying to an e-mail my editor sent me when I had to run upstairs for a minute. I left the laptop open on the couch. When I came back down a few seconds later, Clara had typed "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" in my reply. Was she trying to tell my editor I found her e-mail boring? Thank goodness she didn't accidentally send it.
Doing journalism while raising your kid? Like mother, like daughter, I guess. Maybe in thirty years Clara will be doing the same thing. :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your new gig!
I tried working visiting Mike when Abigail was her age and she would lay in the crook of my arm and demand, "Monkeys. Monkeys!" She wanted to watch monkey videos on YouTube. :)
Mother's guilt is part of the job I guess. You'd probably feel it some even if you waited on baby hand and foot all day long. There's always something you could have done better. Sounds like she knows how to get your attention though! Good for Clara!
ReplyDeleteIf you really want a timer for her to get a visual on when you'll be ready its called a Time Timer (not being sarcastic). They have a red area that slowly disapears as time runs down.
ReplyDeleteI love being able to read these little snippets of Clara's btw!