Analyzing Wilbur's Snores

     Wilbur the dog can sit up on his haunches.  With his very short front legs dangling in the air, he looks like a T-Rex gone to seed.  He can also shake with his left paw, but not his right.  Simon, my husband, says he's left-pawed.  He also "speaks" to me, usually disgruntled yowling sounds when I chastise him for hogging my heating pad.
     Those are Wilbur's only tricks, if you don't count his penchant for cleaning out Clara's potty if I don't get to it STAT.  Strictly speaking, I don't think that qualifies as a trick.
     I wish Wilbur had other skills.  Like mental flexibility and hardiness.  He's seven, so he's very set in his ways.  He's also used to a certain amount of comfort.  He wants to nap in soft, pleasant places, with relatively luxuriant fabric against his body, and preferably a piece of my clothing to rest his snout on. He has co-opted a hideous blue recliner that I spent months and months breastfeeding Clara in, and that we had planned to get rid of.  I also just discovered he's been sneaking into the guest bedroom downstairs during the day to nap on the bed (shedding copiously on the expensive new comforter). 
     At night, Wilbur sleeps on the velour body pillow I used while pregnant, on the floor below my side of the bed.  The pillow is pushed up against the wall.  For some odd reason, he lately likes to wedge his snout between the wall and the body pillow.  With his nostrils pressed against the wall, his air passages are even more impeded than usual, making his snoring extra explosive.  Something about this arrangement also seems to give his snores vibrato. It might have to do with the wall itself, the frequency at which it vibrates, etc.  If his nostrils were pressed against the part of the wall that holds a stud, would his snores be more muted?
     I've discovered the best nighttime arrangement is for Wilbur to sleep with his jowls splayed between body pillow and wall.  It allows for maximum air flow, and minimum pinched tissue.  Sometimes you'll get a whistle as he sucks air through his teeth, but that's about it.
     An occurrence of the splayed-jowl position is almost as rare as a performance by an Amish synchronized swimming team. Such is the delicate tension between Wilbur's whiskered cheeks, that I can't actually place him there.  (By the way, Wilbur would make an excellent synchronized swimmer.  Such soulful eyes.  Such a magnificently hairy chest.)